life as I know it today.

Really?

REALLY?

Your restrictions are actually taking their toll. Like, REALLY.

You've cornered me.

I'm sick of compromises.

I know you love me.

BUT IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME THE HECK FREE.

You can trust me and you know it.

For goodness sake, it's a wonder you even let me roam solo across the world to places where I know NOBODY.

Twice.

Interstate, even.

YET. IN YOUR OWN BLOODY BACKYARD. You can't seem to build the fences quite high enough.

Your logic is flawed.

I sound spoilt and bratty but at the moment I REALLY DON'T CARE.

There are others in this world who are suffering far greater than I...

But. you ARE my world. And right now you're tearing it apart.

God, I sound thirteen.

OH BUT WHAT, I'm almost twenty.

Don't tell me to grow up.

Give me a chance to.

Then maybe, YOU'LL SEE.

-mizeryam.

The Girl Effect.

Haven't looked too far into this yet. About to head to bed though and Phuong just linked me to this :).

I must say it sounds a little bit too good to be true, but I'll check it out tomorrow.

Had a satisfying day. Well.. My goal for the weekend is to stay ot of the house as much as possible. 

I wasn't even meant to be here afterall, anyway.>;/

Plus being alone only makes me sad thinking of where I'd rather be...(for those of you who don't know I guess I can now say that I shouldn't be typing this write now, or even be at a computer, but freezing somewhere in a tent of the camping grounds of Splendour in the Grass at Woodford.)

Yeah.

Dwelling on this fact is seriously just tear inducing. You may scoff but it meant a lot to me. A. LOT.
See previous posts for my emo outcries.
Anyhow, let us move on to happier things..

Today I saw and hung out with many happy people. And momentarily, caught it.

Precious, those moments were <3.

BRING ON THE WEEKEND. RAWR.

Goodnight everyone.

Mizztic Mizziam 8).

Oh and here *gestures* ~Have some images from today, courtesy of Jon's phone camera:

Leafman encounters Bunny D:

Sailormoon tattoo by Yours Truly, modelled by Jo.

Leaf man & friends, ant, sun and also.. he SPEAKS.

Hugs.

Are the best thing ever. 

Timing.

Surprises I received this morning <3:

Instant cheer-me-up :). Amazing. I love these people.

 

With love from Stephy, via post <3

By Grace, aged 4 via post from Stephy

 By Aaron, aged one via post from Stephy

 

smileystamp.jpg from Tent Man :)

lemon crapola.

Can I just say I feel like shit right now?
Devastated.
Shattered.
Upset is but an understatement.
Punch me in the head, please.

I've let you down.
I've let them down.
I've let Him down.
I've let myself down.
I've let everyone in the world who matters to me down.
And it's apparent you don't want to hear from me again.

I want to do something that will reverse it all.
Nothing can completely compensate. Nothing ever will.
Ever.
I just want you to know this wasn't my decision.
And I am COMPLETELY, FULLY, ETERNALLY, SORRY.

Just... try and see it from my point of view.
Please please please.

[insert Life and lemons & lemonades analogy here.]

Hell, let's draw it out.

Mope Mope Mope.

):< Mopiam.

some kind of Greater Good.

Why is this so hard.

I want to be angry.
I want to rage.

I want to swear.

I want to cuss.

I want to cause pain.

I slam doors.

I do things with unecessary, spite-fueled vigour.

I drag my feet.

I scowl.

I question why.

I beg.

I negotiate.
I cry angry tears.

I swear anyway.

But not to your face.

Because I fear you.

Because I respect you.

Because I know that your intention for this restriction has a greater motive.

Because I LOVE YOU.

And I hate that.

I hate that I love love.

And because this is the reason you've denied me to go to That Event.

I...DO NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT.

But. 

Something will come out of this.
Something MUST.

For Him to know, and me to find out.

Now I only pray for understanding and forgiveness.

From ALL I've affected.

Grant me that much, please.

Shattered.

Shrunken.

Sorry.

Hear me now, Hear me out.

Miriam.

JOUR2711 Editing & Scripting, Lecture 1.

Looks like a promising semester...

All the best, fellow academics (:

Prof. Mizz.

Reconciliation.

Those two words.

Are they so hard to utter?

I suppose the weight they carry contribute to it.

A heavy load is equally as difficult to unhand once tightly fastened.

Says so much more than just two words. 

Does the humbling statement not:

ACKNOWLEDGE

humility

ACCEPT

the pain caused

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

of the consequences

Let's not forget

 

FREES A MONSTER. 

alias Grudge.

PRIDE

ARROGANCE

etc.

REFINES

& DEFINES

one's character.

IT'S THE KEY

to locking the past, resuming the present, opening the future

ADMIT IMPERFECTION

we are human, afterall.

Do you recall feeling weightless?

Let it go.

Let it fly.

Then.

Only then,

Will you be able to s o a r .

Victorian Beauty.

Along the way to Penguin Island...

Bon Apetit!

Your snaptographer, Mizzzzz!

Pause.

1 hour until I ride my bike to work.

And I'm sitting here, attempting to multitask a mountain of things I set myself to achieve, but failing contentedly.

Life. I don't know where I stand right now. I can't seem to stand still, ever. And when I do, the tornado of realisations that hurtle toward me become startlingly obvious. And it scares me.

Yannick prettied up one of the pictures I posted a while back. Dig <3!

Stuff I've meant to Blog about but have been stalling:

-Melbourne
-The week leading up to Melbourne
-Expectations, Disapointments and Identity muse
-Departure
-blah.

I've been waking up with the blandest of emotion these days. Lacking the whole "Carpe Diem" / 'Seize the Day' vibe.

I don't think it's a lack of inspiration. Lack of friends. Or family. I think it's fearing fear. Fearing facing all the things I have to face. Confronting the truth. I hate feeling like a failure. Can't prevent it. But one can try.. right?

I just want some clarity right now.
Someone run away with me, now.


                               How dauntingly true:

 

Deviantart <3.

Ever-smiling, regardless.

Your Mizz ;L