Stagnant.

-Yesterday-

[ipod]

So here I am. 5pm train express to Beenleigh from Park Road, stopping only at Coopers Plainz.. Or something.
And apparently awake. Yes. Awake, as compared to just moments ago nodding off not at all subtley in the Archi Library. Or prior to that in my Editing & Scripting lecture...before Ashley saved me with a crossword puzzle...xD Not to mention on the train to uni this morning.. Went a little bit like nod...nod...zzzz- BOOM!  How on earth did my umbrella meet the floor? *props it back up*... nods...nods...nods... Zzzzz.....zzzzzzzz.......zzzzzz- Clunk! The floor wants to start an affair with my already tattered mobile phone now? *sighs, picks it up* struggles to stay awake as the last four stops pass me by before reaching Park Road.
Point is: Why is it, that while so many around me struggle to catch zzz's, I can do so anywhere, at anytime. Especially in this weather of late!

I just want to study! Really I do.. Well. At least my conscious tells me so. With just 3 weeks til final swatvac 2010 I should be a little more than concerned, because despite the cool news that I've no exams this term, it only means all my assessment is due BEFORE that time. Which really should be more of a jab in the gut than a shrug of the shoulders and an f5 of Facebook Newsfeeds. -____-.

What I am trying to say here is, where did all that motivation go? Where did all that persistence, that passion, that want seep to?
After the passing of Monica, and more recently, also 19 year old Jeffwin (please keep them and their families in your thoughts and prayers,) the whole "life is precious, don't waste a second" concept has been reinforced pretty strongly...
It's not something that avidly consumes my mind, but it's there in my mind, bubbling, rising to the surface now and then.

I just don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time! And it's so hypocritical of me to say so (see earlier fb reference), but yes. I want to be doing something I LOVE. and LOOK FORWARD to with each passing day.
I don't know if journalism's doing that for me right now.

Perhaps take an art course? In painting or drawing?
A music course? And resume all the instruments I used to take?

Half of me thinks, "well, it's just another two years..." and the other half of my brain says, that's potentially two years wasted!"

And then brain says that its a phase, of COURSE things will pick up.

Maybe Video Journalism, Editing and Scripting this semester just aren't as suited to me as Writing and Design were last semester.

Amidst all this.. I think of the Stars of the Interwebz whom I especially admire of late.
Let's narrow 'Interwebz' to 'Youtube' and I'll give you my two muses of the now:
nigahiga and ClaraC.

I'm not toooo sure entirely what it is about them that appeals to me, but I've put it down to the fact  that...
a) I can identify with them by being a non caucasian raised in a caucasian country, so their huge success alone, is beating a gazillion odds = it IS possible for an asian face to make tracks in a 'blue eyed, fair-haired' country
b) They have the guts and self faith, trust to run with what they have -their God-given talents- and do for the sake of doing, despite what others might think!

yay, inspiration. winspiration. wewww!

I'm not even too sure where I am running with this. Maybe just highlighting the fact that I feel like I'm sort of going nowhere at the moment... gahh so frustrating!
----

In other news, I had lunch in the city with Danni today <3.
Pieface!!! Tried the steak infused/injected with cheese pie.
$4.95 and taste-wise DEFINITELY worth it.
Chunky, real steak pieces in a not-too-thick-not-too-thin gravy, the cheese infusion not overwhelmingly cheesey or salty, either. I didn't even feel inclined to add sauce it was THAT good. (:
Unfortunately we didn't photograph this event...TAKE ME OUT AND SEE IT HAPPEN IRL ;L!?! <3

We also went all out and bought a tenpack of Hello Pandas <3.
I fear I'll become the size of one once it's consumed -_____-!!
Bumped into Jon, Carlos, Willus, Sarah, Venetia, Remmi and yeah. People also.
An eventful day out (:

NOW BACK TO WORK....?! D;

Pray for me..

 <3 Mizz...zzz....zzzz...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Hah |: